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*This part is for newbies. Skip down to the dashes if you already know this stuff.*

Okay, so first of all, a zombie is a reanimated corpse that lurches around looking for human flesh. Different breeds may be reasoned with, or even "cured" back to the original personality. However, the most typical zombies:

-Are incoherent. They will not be reasoned with or threatened.
-They don't sleep.
-They seem to like brains, but most will settle for a nice hunk of your flesh.
-The come in different speeds, from crawling to shambling to running. Most are shambling along at a slow slow walk.
-They do not drown or asphyxiate.
-Some will burn easily while others will not burn at all.
-Most zombies will "die" from severe damage to the head.
-It is said they are attracted by sound, but this varies.
-VERY IMPORTANT: The most dangerous thing about zombies is that if they bite you and you die before your brain is destroyed, you will come back to life as ANOTHER ZOMBIE. That's how they spread their numbers generally.

A person that becomes a zombie loses all of their personality.

During zombie apocalypses:

-There is no electricity.
-There is no running water.
-There is little to none widespread communication.
-The government is thought to have collapsed.
-Few people are surviving, most have become zombies.
-It begins somewhere, but quickly spreads worldwide (there will be no foreign help).
--------------------------------
Packing
So you're preparing for going out into a zombie invasion. Remember to pack the following:

-Heavy duty gloves, shoes, and PANTS (no idea how many people got infected from a bad bite to the shins).
-Canned food or other non-perishables. Best if high energy and low weight.
-Water. Drink sparingly, refill at every good opportunity.
-Waterproof jacket or poncho.
-Helmet, if you have one that doesn't obscure sounds and sight.
-Weapons (we'll get to that).
-Change of clothing (just one, clothes should be thick, comfortable, and long lasting).

--------------------------------
Long Lasting Survival (1)
Okay, so assuming that you're a person living in a developed area in a zombie apocalypse situation, you will need to find the following:

-Food
-Water
-Guns/Weapons
-STURDY shelter.
-Other uninfected human beings.

In a developed area, all resources come from rural areas. Most foods were never meant to replace themselves, so it is extra important to get to a food source. The best place to find resources is in a mall. Personally, the ideal situation is to have a nice flat area around a Lowe's + Walmart. If you know of such a place nearby, aim for that immediately. Drive fast but carefully, just know that it's gonna get a lot worse before it gets better.

Once (if) you get to the place, block all entrances with the strongest material possible. In Walmart you use carts and shelving to create a temporary barrier. Lowe's usually sells wood or brick or stone or cement powder, the construction is fairly simple.

Remember to keep a few doors open, like steel doors with safe locks and loading bay doors with a clear lookout.

If the electricity is gone, dry out all the meat products to make them last longer or marinate them to use up the various sauces lying around. Save the bottles, they will be useful later.

Set up a water collection system on the roof with large tarps/cones connected to large trash cans. They should come with a cover so that the water stays fresh longer. Bottle waters and canned foods and other non-perishables are to be collected and rationed out for maximum usage.

Most likely this place will not be self sufficient, so you need to be very careful about food.
--------------------------------
Long Lasting Survival (2)

If you are in a non-urban area, the approach is going to be different.
Non-urban means really small towns (mainly farmland) which means very little population. The best case scenario is to have, again, large open space with lots and lots of guns.

The upside to having a rural area means the bulk of the zombie army is going to have to come from a city. You might be able to clear out all the zombies in an area and gather up all the survivors in a week, months before a major invasion.

Take advantage of this right away. Secure any gun shops, markets, farms, and hardware store in a given radius or collect them all to be stored at the main base. Set up a large parameter around farm land, enough land to ensure food for several years. Use wires, large tree falls, or fences with a layer of spears in front; you want a large, reliable barricade that's easily defensible.

Before doing all this work, find a water source. Rivers and creeks should not be trusted unless they come from a stream because there will be a gap to let the water through and zombies will attack that gap. Rivers can also be polluted from upstream, making them unreliable. The best source would be a well or a large pond. Boil the water that comes from natural sources. Arrange water collection devices on barn roofs and such.

Meat should come from farm animals. You might have to resort to eating horses or dogs. Fish is good because it can be dried with out too much fuss, but do not over fish in a small pond!

Constantly build. Forage everyday but be prepared for an attack at any moment. Stockpile resources from surrounding lands. Time is your friend, use him/her well.

It is important to be self sufficient!
--------------------------------
Worst Case Scenario

Anytime you cannot get to one of the above scenarios, you are most likely going to die.

Some things to watch out for:

Idiots
These guys. They will blotch any job that you pull, stupidly charge into a mob of zombies, and open the door to the outside while looking the other direction.

Identify them IMMEDIATELY. Do not allow them any guns or responsibility, but make them feel important. Find some use for them later.

Ambitious/Selfish People
They will hurt others, take advantage of the situation (rape most of the time), and generally work for themselves rather than the group effort. Let them make a small mistake to show their character, then blow their head off (or permanently incapacitate them). I'm not kidding, DO NOT let them get any sort of power whatsoever, they will endanger or kill off the entire team for their own sake.

Lack of Weaponry
Be very careful of this. Especially ammo. Take careful shots with your legs and shoulders braced against the recoil for max effectiveness while shooting. Make EVERY SHOT COUNT. If you have a shotgun, try not to use it if you have another gun. Shotguns' wide range is very useful against zombies so save it for emergencies.

If you have no guns, you may be good with another weapon with range. Spears, staffs, baseball bats, crowbars, farm tools like pitchforks are all very good. If it's not sturdy enough to hit things with, sharpen an end and use it to stab zombies in the face.

The longer and stronger it is (no innuendo intended) the better. Attach a bayonet to rifles or shotguns if it doesn't get in the way of the sight or muzzle.

Cold Feet
DO NOT HESITATE.

Psychologically, this is all very disturbing. The zombie coming at you might have been someone you knew. SHOOT/STAB/BASH their head anyways, the person is gone, the zombie you see in front of you is mocking their living image. Get rid of it to ease your friend's soul. Convince yourself they are not curable and they have no memories of you. Just kill it.

*In a situation where a living person's been bitten and they are going to die before becoming a zombie: tell the afflicted that there is no more hope. Amputations on limbs can be tried, but most likely will not work. They have to choose between going peacefully or going violently.

If they want to go peacefully, lock/tie them up securely, wait for them to turn into a zombie, then shoot the zombie. If they wish so, you can kill them right away. DO NOT HESITATE. One second is all it takes for a zombie to bite you in the neck.

If they want to go violently (with a fight, they're not willing to give up), immediately disarm them or do a preemptive strike. Do not drag it out or have other people get injured.

Most of all, avoid feeling guilty. For anything. This is survival, not a bloody soap opera. Try to keep as many health young people alive as possible, in hopes of starting a new civilization. Which leads us to our last section.
--------------------------------
After the Survival
If you're sure you can stay in one place safely for at least a few months, it's time to get to work.

For scenario (1):
The one thing that we have more than zombies is intelligence. We have the brains, they have endurance and numbers. What we need to do tactically is to make them lose the most numbers for the lowest cost.

You can do this with traps. Chemical fertilizer and vegetable oil mixed together makes a pretty good explosive with another detonator. Put these in small bottles attached to a fuse and some gunpowder. Test it out, then load it on the outside with ball bearings. They will become hand grenades, for the price of maybe have a bullet's worth of gunpowder and some ingredients we'd never use otherwise.

The best trap would be to have a big deep pit laced with these and long stakes. The zombies fall in and can't get back out. Wait for them to pile up, then detonate. You can repeat this with sharpened iron stakes and fire.

Make ammo from readily available materials like bamboo, decorative stones, or even concrete balls. Launching these with industrial rubber bands can cause some major damage for little cost. You could even make a game out of it (who can peg the most?).

If you can keep the zombies at bay for long enough to get some cars. Armor them, load up with food, and move on to the next location. The supermarket's food won't last forever, and it's important to realize when a good thing's come to an end.

For scenario (2):
Just endure. It's as simple as that. With a farming community, your main goal is to raise another generation while being self sufficient. If scenario one's goal is to hit hard and move fast, your goal will be to sit still and defend.

Always keep a lookout on the horizon. Continually stockpile resources. Recruit more people or get some kids born.

Eventually, if you can grow large enough, you can set out a party to establish an off shoot farm right outside the old one. Set up exactly as before and continue to expand until you have a regular community going on.

This scenario has the highest probability for lasting out the zombie apocalypse.
This is everything I could think of. If you have anything else to add please share >.>

EDIT: O.O
There are not enough words for me to express my surprise and gratitude at getting a DD.

Thank you ^thorns for suggesting/featuring!

Also, I usually thank whoever happened to fav my deviations, but I can't do that here >.> so a preliminary thanks to anyone that fav'ed this!

I'll also try to keep up with the comments, but since there's 53 and climbing don't get upset if I miss your insights :P
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Daily Deviation

Given 2012-04-30
THE Zombie Survival Guide by ~Bellairs is a thorough guide for the zombie apocalypse. Prepare yourselves, and remember, do not hesitate! ( Featured by thorns )
:icondalekcaanii:
DalekCaanII Featured By Owner May 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Exactly how to survive the zombie apocalypse! Except for the fact that you need a sword (katana, go through it Michonne style) & a bow & arrow/crossbow. That's all. Loved it anyways! ^_^ -Dalek Caan II
Reply
:iconth-warrior:
TH-WARRIOR Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
You forgot to pack light body armor for close encounters (thighs, knee and waist protection that you have to attach to tights, you can get them from any football store, also your going to need shin pads, which can be found pretty much on any sport shop, since you barely need anything to play soccer; maybe you'll want a helmet so I think the best option is to get a football helmet of your size, and for your torso it depends of your situation (for example "shoulders" favour close quarters fight-style but make it difficult to aim, if you can reach a bullet proof vest that would be the best option)
 There's extra protection that you can get from football shops that are more specialised, but I have never used them ( there are light strike protection for the forearms and gloves with protection in the knuckles) hope this helps anyone.
Reply
:iconlara00:
Lara00 Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I feel like im on college and reading middle school textbook.I know it all but is fun to read.
Reply
:iconsappyforest:
sappyforest Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2013
This is accurate, but everyone always forgets that you should get your hands on a bow and katana. Unlimited ammo and good range.
Reply
:icondalekcaanii:
DalekCaanII Featured By Owner May 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Those are my weapons for the zombie apocalypse! *internet high-five* We think alike :)
Reply
:iconepicvocaloidtime:
EpicVocaloidTime Featured By Owner May 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Exactly. In my opinion, a Katana or Bow is better than any gun. Both are silent, as well. Most people just jump to the conclusion that a gun is the only thing to fight with. A Machete would work well too
Reply
:iconkimi-themadhatter:
Kimi-theMadHatter Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2013

If there is ever going to be a Zombie Apocalypse:

 

I will search for you

 

I will find you

 

And I will team up with you (if you approve of course, 'cause I'll definitely acknowledge you as team leader, js)

Reply
:iconlara00:
Lara00 Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Might i be part of team too?
Reply
:iconyoucancallmeal1:
youcancallmeal1 Featured By Owner May 12, 2015  New Deviant Hobbyist General Artist
I volounteer for position of scientist/tactitian.
Reply
:iconmaiavocadoes:
MaiAvocadoes Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2013
Wanna team up if the zombie apocalypse comes?
Reply
:iconalexiajane:
AlexiaJane Featured By Owner May 5, 2013
Oh, and learnt from The Walking Dead, if you happen to walk into a pharmacist and the alarm goes off, shoot the damn alarm!!! I don't know who made that game but SURELY there should be the option to shoot an alarm that is making too much noise...it's common sense (:
Reply
:iconepicvocaloidtime:
EpicVocaloidTime Featured By Owner May 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
The alarm will only attract zombies, so you should get rid of any alarms. I haven't seen anyone put that in a Zombie Survival Guide
Reply
:iconalexiajane:
AlexiaJane Featured By Owner May 13, 2014
Haha, yeah. Just random thing I picked up on lol
Reply
:iconmegablystone:
MegaBLYSTONE Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
Actually offshore oilrigs would still have electricity. An unlimited amount in fact because water wheels. Not to mention a near endless supply of water, fish and seaweed.
Reply
:iconstarfox111:
Starfox111 Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012
one problem with walmart..... THERE WILL MOST LIKLY BE A CRAPLOAD OF ZOMBIES!!!! so ud have to clear them out first.
Reply
:iconsugary-blood:
Sugary-Blood Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
Whats awesome is my town has a fort that has ever been defeated.
Reply
:iconlordn0139:
LordN0139 Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012
This was really great! But I think you forgot to mention a couple if really good urban defenses. Large schools are built sturdily and have plenty of room for storage, and some of the HUGE churches you see are built like fortresses!
Reply
:iconayamepup:
AyamePup Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2012
Wow...Very nice. This will come in handy, thank you very much.
Reply
:iconmissnothing21:
missnothing21 Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
if the zombie apocalypse hits, i want to live with you! this is so amazing... i thought mine was good, but wow!
Reply
:icongoodgirl94:
goodgirl94 Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
What NOT to do: Grab a machine gun and start shooting zoms like youre some goddamn hero.
Machine guns are difficult to aim and they make a lot of noise. It's like putting a sign on you that says "Eat me when I run out of bullets!"
Any idiot who does that is asking for suicide and deserve the painful death that awaits them.

As for selfish people... killing them is wrong. I'd just kick them out of the group. They'll die on their own eventually.

You don't want zoms seeing you at night but you have to keep warm. Dig a small ditch as a fire pit or build up rocks around it.

Hand crank radios are your friend.

All weapons need to be battle tested and well maintained.
Reply
:icondalekcaanii:
DalekCaanII Featured By Owner May 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
If you kick out the selfish person, they might stalk your group & come back for revenge. It may be best for the one who hates them the most to slice their head off. But I do see how it feels wrong to kill the living, I'd only kill them if they were trying to kill me or my group.
Reply
:iconepicvocaloidtime:
EpicVocaloidTime Featured By Owner May 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
The selfish people could possibly kill you and others, but I can see why it would be wrong to kill them.
Reply
:iconjaeger15:
Jaeger15 Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012
I thought of something: you didn't mention molitovs or other items you can load on the outside of a bottle bomb, such as bolts/nails/screws/nuts. Bowling balls dropped from the roof also make for effective weapons.
Reply
:iconazurehowlfan:
AzureHowlFan Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2012  Student Digital Artist
the first aid kit will heal any wounds even the near fatal ones!

L4D reference heh
Reply
:iconsimarlin:
Simarlin Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2012
I've already got a plan for what to do if a zombie apocalypse happens, but nice thinking! >w<
and idiot's can make great zombie distractions~
Reply
:iconrosalinezitory:
rosalinezitory Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2012
Very Good advice!May come in use full!
Reply
:iconkillerbee126:
killerbee126 Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2012  Student Digital Artist
U know nothing about zombie survival! If u want reliable survival tips read Max Brooks's book "the zombie survival guid"
Reply
:iconfieryfurry:
FieryFurry Featured By Owner May 26, 2012
I've been procrastinating about reading this, but I finally snapped when I read a news article about how a random naked guy was eating some other guy's face in Florida, and he kept on eating after a cop shot him. Please let it just be a really stoned junkie.... [link]
Reply
:iconcosmosgrl19:
cosmosgrl19 Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
I think it was. There's an unnamed drug that completely WRECKS your mind in the first use. And most of the time it's fatal. Not confirmed it was the drug, but it was accepted he was having some kind of cocaine psycosis when he attacked. Which also explains why he was naked. o.o
Reply
:iconfieryfurry:
FieryFurry Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2012
Yeah, zombies don't typically strip naked as soon as they wake up. Junkies sometimes do.
Reply
:iconcosmosgrl19:
cosmosgrl19 Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
XD
Reply
:icontrachie171:
trachie171 Featured By Owner May 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I...I think I am in love with you right now..
Reply
:iconfreudianslipreformed:
FreudianSlipReformed Featured By Owner May 6, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
I bow before your greatness. You covered the only contingency I see missed all the time- the idiots.
Reply
:iconfmoshawott:
FMOshawott Featured By Owner May 4, 2012
"the person is gone, the zombie you see in front of you is mocking their living image". Clearly someone has not read "Rot and Ruin".......
Reply
:iconmelanie-j-howle:
Melanie-J-Howle Featured By Owner May 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
If your not already We would love for you to join us in the dark realm.:iconwhats-the-piont:
Melaniehowle
Founder :blackrose:
Reply
:iconinnocentwolf8:
InnocentWolf8 Featured By Owner May 2, 2012
this made my day!
Reply
:iconprinted-shadows:
Printed-Shadows Featured By Owner May 1, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I guess I featured it here- [link]
Reply
:iconangelkillerfdm:
Angelkillerfdm Featured By Owner May 1, 2012
Question. Can a zombie apocalypse be stopped. This guid is funny and insightful, but I'm pretty sure the u.s. armed forces could stop an zombie uprising before it gets out of hand not to mention other countries, and crazy ass civilians with guns.
Reply
:iconcosmosgrl19:
cosmosgrl19 Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
"crazy ass civilian with guns"
That right there made my day XD
Modern society, I guess we could. If the military accepted they were zombies.
Reply
:iconmunchingrabbit:
MunchingRabbit Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Hmmmm...

You ought to add that animals can't turn into zombies (the virus kills them before it has time to mutate their brain), and that some people will try to actually pretend they're zombies in a kind of sick survival tactic. It doesn't work, obviously, but it's worth including.
Reply
:iconbatboy1239:
Batboy1239 Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You've really thought this out... I thought that zombie preparation was just another useless craze, but you've shown me that it can be a handy mind exercise. Thanks!

Btw, Hobbs is awesome...
Reply
:iconjamesoxley:
JamesOxley Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
A very nice, simple guide to surviving the zombie apocalypse! :D
Reply
:iconmostlyforthefangirls:
mostlyforthefangirls Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
If you have no other choice, you could take over an old oil tanker, or an island with sheer cliffs all around it and a reliable food source.
Reply
:iconsmash10101:
smash10101 Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2012
awesome! well deserving of a dd
Reply
:iconjadesfires:
jadesfires Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2012   Writer
This is amazing. I love it. I am writing a scene where my OCs have to fight zombies right now, so this just makes me laugh. Excellent reference. :D
Reply
:iconshamrocs:
shamrocs Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I WILL SURVIVE
Reply
:iconprinted-shadows:
Printed-Shadows Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
so, let me get this right. Since really only artists go to DA, theres a great chance that nobody else will see this. Going by my predictions, not too many jackasses and retards will survive, and so the new race will be artistic and smart? That works for me!

Nice article by the way.. gonna go print this for when the Walking Dead come at my door.
Reply
:icondalekcaanii:
DalekCaanII Featured By Owner May 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
*internet high-five* No stupid people FTW! Intelligent, artistic people? HECK, YEAH!!
Reply
:iconsalika99:
Salika99 Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2012  Student General Artist
I highly agree with this comment... unless some of the zombies are ex-artists :iconohnofaceplz:
Reply
:iconprinted-shadows:
Printed-Shadows Featured By Owner May 1, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
There is no such thing as an ex artist... Just retired
Reply
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